i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
