I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize