thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
