well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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