You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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