Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
