It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
