Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
