I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
