so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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