ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
