im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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