Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm at about main and main street
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
