We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
