and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
