hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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