Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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