just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
