My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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