my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
