I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
