Soap is not a condiment
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
