When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
