I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
