yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize