Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
