im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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