her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
