I can't watch pbs sober anymore
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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