dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
