Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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