was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
