Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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