The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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