walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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