Dual....:-)
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
