It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
