Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
