Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need a burrito and a hug.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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