Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
