But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
