Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
