His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
