Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
