btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
