Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize