seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
