the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
