it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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