shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
