he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize