Swine flu. Run for my life!
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
this hospital has no fireball
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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