Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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