Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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