So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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