peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
