My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
