omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
