Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
