What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
