bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
