Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
