Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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