No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
