Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
