It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
