I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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