OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
