she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize