you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
only you would photoshop your dick
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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