My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
