i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my being single is dangerous.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
