A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
