This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
