So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
