i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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