"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
