There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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