what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
