I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My feet surprised me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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