I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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