you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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