You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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