you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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