how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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