How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
