When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize