My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
