I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
