I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
