I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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