There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
