Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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