She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize