He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
