Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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