Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
