I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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