I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
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tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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