having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
