I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
