the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
