I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
