Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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