This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize