When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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