tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
