i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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