1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
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