I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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