just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
