and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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