we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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