i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
